This week in Parashat Chukat, bnai Yisrael (the children of Israel) are traveling from place to place in the wilderness. At one point they encounter the well which G-d used to give them water throughout their travels:
And from there they went to Beer; that is the well of which HaShem spoke to Moshe, Gather the people together, and I will give them water. Then Yisrael sang this song, “Spring up, O well; sing to it; The well which the princes dug, which the nobles of the people excavated, with scepters, with their staffs.” (Bamidbar 21:16-18)Water is often understood in traditional Jewish texts as a symbol for the Torah because of its life-giving qualities (among other reasons). Chazal (our sages) comment on the well in Midrash Rabbah:
Why was it [i.e., the well, which the midrash now takes to symbolize the Torah] given in the wilderness? .... Who preserves the Torah? He who makes himself like a wilderness and segregates himself from every one.Why is making oneself like the wilderness equated with segregating oneself from everyone? Is segregating oneself from everyone a good thing? Didn't we just learn in Parashat Korach that we should not separate ourselves from the community?
This is not the only place in Midrash Rabbah that we read about the idea of making oneself like a wilderness being a prerequisite to preserving or receiving Torah. Bamidbar 1:7 reads "HaShem spoke to Moshe in the wilderness of Sinai." The midrash comments on this verse and teaches:
Anyone who does not throw himself open to all like a wilderness cannot acquire wisdom and Torah.Furthermore, why in this midrash is making oneself like the wilderness equated with something seemingly opposite to the other midrash, (throwing oneself open to all)?
These two ideas can be harmonized. I believe when the midrash speaks of segregating oneself, it is referring to taking time for introspection. The Torah can only be preserved when we each use it to make meaning in our lives in a personal manner. Throwing oneself open to all can refer to sharing our meaning-making with others. Jewish tradition values both ways of being; sometimes we need to turn inwards, but ultimately, in order to truly acquire Torah, we need to learn from others by sharing our interpretations with them and hearing their responses.
Solitude and introspection are not everyone's favorite things. Like solitude, the wilderness can sometimes feel like a wild and uninhabited place, even empty and directionless. It is easy to get lost in a wilderness. When I think of what it might mean to make oneself like a wilderness, I imagine getting in touch with the parts of ourselves which also feel empty, wild, directionless, etc. The parts of ourselves which are broken. Because from brokeness, wholeness emerges. One of my favorite quotes if from Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, "There is nothing more whole than a broken heart." So why was the Torah/ well given in the wilderness? Because confronting the broken parts of ourselves is a sacred task. Broken is not the opposite of holy. A broken and a joyful halleluyah are both holy to Hashem.
On that note, I'd like to close with a line from Leonard Cohen's Halleluyah:
There's a blaze of light in every word,
it doesn't matter which you heard,
the holy or the broken halleluyah.
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